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Live Blogging The Bachelor: On The Wings Of Love, February 15, 2010

February 15, 2010

Pull up a chair and settle in for what it bound to be a spectacular episode of Jake and the whores.

Things might be very interesting this week…or not.

Little recap of last week’s drama.  I can’t believe how close we came to an Ali nip slip in the Limo.

Wow – isn’t tonight the sleepover night??  OOooohhh!

The episode  starts with a fantastic fly over of Saint Lucia – amazing.

Review of hometown visits and the girls. Hmmm.  He admits Vienna is immature…but that’s not a problem for him.  Tenley – I can picture her as a mom.  Gia – I can see why any guy would want to be with her – she’s little girl cute, but sexy.  She’s got the whole virgin/whore thing going on.

Ali talks about her decision.  She feels she has a loveless life.  She is going to fight for him and tell him exactly how she feels and hopes he feels the same.  Hmmm.  He could have done that (you know, he could have said “don’t go”) the night she left the show…

Gia “date”:

Rainbow over Saint Lucia.  Short jean shorts – good move Gia!!  Gia is adventurous and seems open to anything…

He’s taking her shopping.  Ack!!  Watch where your pointing that boat!!  Oh wait…that’s not my idea of shopping.  Hanging out with the natives at the local garden market.

Jake is ready to take a leap of faith.  Kissing in the bay at sunset.  “I am falling in love with Jake.”  Sigh.  So, so boring.

Night in Saint Lucia.  He gets so excited when she’s around him – he finds he wants to take care of her.  So classic.  Dinner on the beach…hope there’s no rogue wave.  What is that thing she always doing with her lips and her fingers…Freud?  Freud?? The most boring dinner ever.  If everybody doesn’t stop using the phrase “I’m falling for him/her”, I’m gonna gouge my eyes out.  Noooo.  Their bodies just fit together.  Of course she is going to get a Fantasy Suite card.  You can see that look in his eyes.  Yes.  They need to get a room.  Aaaand we get to see them in a tub with roses.  “Gia has grabbed hold of my…heart SO hard…”

“…Gia could be the woman that I propose to…”

Tenley “date”:

Short jean shorts…hmmm.

They are going on a helicopter ride.  How original for The Bachelor.

They land in a plantation for a picnic.  Boring chit chat and some kissing…but Jake has that look in his eyes again.  Kissing in the bay at sunset…waiiiit a minute.  Havn’t we done this before?  Aaaand Tenley expresses some apprehension about possibly spending the night with Jake because she hasn’t been with a man since her divorce.  Um…really?

Dinner by the pool.  Jake says he feels really comfortable with Tenley and he hasn’t felt that before.  Really?  And he’s starting to fall in love with her and she’s starting to fall in love with him.  Where is my eye gouger?  And they dance.  She’s “falling even more in love with him.”  I know that gouger is around here somewhere…just a minute.  Ahhahahahahaaahhhh!!

There.  That’s better.

She feeling really nervous and she’s only ever been with one man and does not know what to expect.  OMG seriously.  But she decides that she needs to experience The Jake.  On to the suite.  She assures him that she is not a slut.  Values.  Morals.  Temperament.  All gone out the window.  Oooh.  They have whole pool in their suite.  Feel the passion.  See the glazed look in Jake’s eyes.

Vienna “date”:

Pirate ship day!!  Vienna is “falling in love right now”.   So cute and playful!!  I’m going to puke.  It must have cost a fortune to rent that pirate ship.  They kiss on the bow.  Jake has backne?  They climb the mast and kiss.  They walk the plank.  They swim to shore.  Kissing in the bay at sunset.  She’s falling in love with him.  Damn.  The kids took my gouger.  No…wait.  The dog has it.  But I have some bamboo splinters for my fingernails.

Jake says that he needs to figure out if the feeling that he has for Vienna are just physical or if there is something more.  Dinner in the gazebo.  Jake wants to make sure that this is not all about sex.  He wants passion for her heart.  Some inane chit chat about marriage and love.  Wait…he asks her about what kind of ring she would like.  Body language experts.  She asks if he can see her as his wife and he looks away as he says yes.  He reminds her that there are two other women there and he has fallen for them both.  Bummer.  She confesses that she’s fallen in love with him.  Noooooooo.  That’s not supposed to happen no wait yes it is!!  He loves her brutal honesty.  And she gets invited for a night of sex.  He is going to be one tired puppy.  She gets into something more comfortable.  And she shuts the door on us.  Coming up…hahahahaha!

And…does Ali come back…?

Ali calls.  Oh, that’s not staged.  She made the wrong choice and wants to come back.  She groans.  If this is spontaneous and unplanned, how come someone is taping her?  More groaning.  He’s so confused.  She really wants to come back.  But he rejects her.  Buh bye!  He’s not in love with Ali.

Time to chat with Chris.

He was falling in love with Ali but now he has these other three women now.  Harsh.  The visit to the market was a test to see if Gia could slum it.  He’s falling in love with Gia.  I only have ten fingers you know.  Oh wait – there’s always the toes – we’re good.  He’s falling in love with Tenley.  And Vienna…he think he’s in love with her.  Well – Vienna wins that contest.

Is he ready to send one women home.  No.

And now he gets to watch videos.

Gia and Tenley have the same annoying nasal baby voices.  Vienna’s voice is somewhat less annoying.  I dislike Gia’s fake, coy, child-like act.  Vienna does seem more honest.  I don’t think Tenley is fake.  I think Vienna would be a lot of drama.  Tenley not so much.

Rose Ceremony

I can’t believe I have been watching LOST for 6 years…

Jake thanks them for all the sex…er, the fun.

The first rose goes to…Tenley!

Vienna looks nervous.

And the next…to Vienna.

Interesting.  But not surprised.

And Gia is very gracious.  Too bad he couldn’t go all Big Love and marry all three.  I’d watch that show.

Next week – reunion show!  And in two weeks – the finale.  I suspect that Vienna will win.  But ya never know.  See you in two weeks.

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