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Live Blogging The Bachelor – January 4, 2010

January 4, 2010

Yeah – I took a hiatus from blogging The Bachelor.  I needed to recover from the whole Melissa/Molly/Jason debacle…and yes, time heals.  Plus, I was in the process of moving and resettling in Obamaland.  I was actually too busy to watch TV.  I know! OMG!  But I survived and the TV and DVD and DVR are all set up and ready to go.  And Big Love starts this week too!!

And so I go into this new season a virgin…er, well sort of.  Because I have no history with the new guy.  Nothing from his past to taint my opinions.  However it also leaves me somewhat vulnerable.  I don’t know his weaknesses and I have no idea how he fared in the last season…other than he didn’t “win”.  But, as always, I accept the challenge and soldier on into the fray.

And so it begins…On the Freaking Wings Of Love!

Jake…was crushed.  Jillian crushed him.  “Nice guys finish last”…really?  And was the best line you could come up with??

From Dallas.  Needed to heal.  OMG!  She turned that chest down??

What…he’s a pilot?  She turned down a Hot Pilot!

He wants a fairy tale traditional family, but perhaps this is not the way to achieve that goal, hmmm?

Oh no.  He used the “blessed” word.  Barf.

31 and single.  He’s still a baby.

Oh wait, nice guys don’t finish last.  way to contradict yourself dude.

Now bring on the whores!  Woohoo!

The most dramatic season of The Bachelor eva!  I missed Chris.

Women across America fell in love with Jake…let’s see if I do.

Nasal girl is cute…and sort of looks like Jessica Simpson.  Dancer girls has electric teeth.  Weepy divorced girl…ew.  Military girl is cute.  Model girl…she will bring the drama.  Christina reminds me of Molly.  Very intelligent girl trips…heh.  And dresses up her dog.  Ashley is…crazy.  Elizabeth has visible implants.  Ella hasn’t a chance.  Gia has that weird vibe. But spectacular ass.  Tiana is cute but too old.  Michelle looks old at 25.

Gratuitous shower shot.  Yay soap!  But the motorcycle entrance is gay.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that…except on a heterosexual dating show…

Boring fireside chat…hey!  Chris has no lips.

So…why has he had a lot of first dates?  Notice the anxious swallow after he says he will get married.

Conveyor Belt of Love?  Really – who thought of that?  May need to watch that.

Limo number 1 –  I will only comment on the ones that seem wacko.  Like Jessie.  And Ella.  (Jake looks like he’s ready to pass out).

Limo 2 – No real crazies in that one…I think.

Limo 3 – Missed the name of the one with the spinner…but on the crazy list.  Christina is starting out on the wrong foot with the girls…and Ashley fall down!

Well – there are a lot of hot women in that group and most seem sane.  Not bad.  He’s pretty lucky.

Hey – Jake sort of looks like Tom Cruise…it’s the smile.

Ha!  He’s looking for Inner Beauty.  Really?  He picked out the one in the yellow dress (Ali?).  I knew it!  I would have singled her out from the pack too…and I’m not even a guy.

God is his top priority…we would SO not get along.  Sigh.  But I would only want him for his body anyway.

Oh yeah – and spinner girl brings the crazy!  She dresses up like a flight attendant??  That is just really sad.  Elizabeth brings the football.  And they have a game.  I’m getting bored.

Oh, Chris has the First Impression Rose!!  So Excited!

Oh dear…Michelle has a sad story.  She’s a Debbie Downer.  Kathryn has a pretend fiance?  Weird but not ready to call her crazy yet.

Ack – I hate the ones that decide to teach dancing.  Stephanie has to go.

Okay – Michelle is ca-razy.  Even the other girls know it.  Don’t they screen these people?  Like get the men in white.

Oh look – Jillian!  But why?  To vet the girls?  That’s…weird.

Jake hones in on Rozlyn tha model…of course.

A puma is the same thing as a cougar.

What the hell is going on now!!  That is not how you have sex on the floor!

Jillian spies the crazy in Michelle.

Tenley moves onto the crazy side.  Oh yeah.  She’s got to go.

Elizabeth is playing it right – throwing in the God stuff.

And Jillian and Ed like her.

And the rose goes to…not Elizabeth!!  Hahahahaha!   But to Tenley?  Really?  Is it a pity rose?

And now…the cull.

But first another message from Prozac girl – Michelle is so in need of a therapist.

The Deliberation Room?  I didn’t know it had a name.

Oh – the flight attendant girl is Ashley E.  Now I know her name.  He likes Michelle??  No…he knows.  She’s nuts.

He’s going to let his heart lead.  Riiiight.

I’m so cynical.  Must stop that.  I actually think that this part would be difficult – trying to keep all those names straight.  And not screwing up and picking the wrong one.

Tenley has that little girl voice – is that for real?  I don’t know anyone who actually speaks like that.

So now the roses…

Ella…Noooooooo!  Of course Elizabeth and Ali.  Vienna.  Christina, Gia with the hair and the ass.  Ashley E for eek!  Rozlyn of course.  Jessie.  Corrie.  Valisha – yes she’s sexy.  The other Ashley.  Kathryn.  And…OMG!  Michelle – for the ratings.

I knew Tiana didn’t have a chance.  Kimberly had bad lip liner.  Had to go.

Lots O drama next week!!

One Comment leave one →
  1. nicky permalink
    January 11, 2010 11:57 am

    Whether Ella is liked or not….I am in love with the grey crossback dress she had on…does anyone know where it came from?

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